IBEEKAY ON DUTY: MOTIVATOR’S DIGEST ART 002 STRESS FREE LIVING Little Johnny was being taunted by his Elder sister for making a mistake in his homework, infuriated by this, Johnny threw the pair of compasses with which he was doing the homework at his sister, piercing her left thigh with it. The pointed part of the pair of compasses pierced deep into it so much that it took the intervention of the neighbours to get it out. His sister bled severely and little Johnny just kept crying; obviously regretting his actions and with no hint what so ever that his action could have produced such a serious occurrence. Our emotions are one of the most important aspects of our human make up. Most of the times our lives follow the direction of our emotions. I see it as “something” stirring up a part of us (our emotions) and that part placing a strong hold on us to act based on it. In our opening story, his sister’s taunts stirred up an emotion in Johnny, making him to act based on it. The outcome, of which, Johnny regretted and it left him drained and stressed out emotionally; carrying around a feeling of guilt and low self esteem as a result of it. Even several years later, his sister kept making reference to this occurrence; more like opening a wound that was already healing in Johnny’s emotions. It took several efforts on Johnny's part to get over that feeling of guilt. You see, in life, when these emotions gets the better of us, and makes us act, most often than not, we end up regretting our actions; but such action can’t be taken back again, this emotion affects all areas of our lives and as such it’s better the thing that may cause all these negatives-the emotions-is checked, to avoid the occurrence, like the popular statement “prevention is better than cure.” Let’s begin by looking at how these emotions arise. Life is all about relationships; like it is said, no man is an island. We are constantly in relationships; relationships between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, brothers and sisters, family members, employers and employees, employees and employees, couples, man and his environment and even the relationship with ourselves! These emotions often stems from how we are treated by those we are in relationship with and how we react to these treatments. Many times, we get so stressed emotionally from these relationships to the point that it affects key areas of our lives. But I found that if we can determine how we treat actions from others, this emotional stress can be avoided. We avoid this stress by responding to people’s actions and not reacting to them. In medicine, when a Doctor administers drugs to a patient, when the patient gets well or better in no time as a result of the drug being administered to him, the Doctor says he is responding to treatment and if he doesn’t get well, he says his body is reacting to the treatment being given. Simply put, when you go through life and actions from others with the right attitude to avoid emotional stress, you are responding to the actions and when you go with the wrong attitude, you are reacting to the actions and this, of course results to emotional stress. Even silence is a response! It is a principle in life, that we can never control or determine how people react towards us, what kind of words they speak to us, how they treat us, how they see us; however we can control or determine how we respond to whatever they say/do to us and this is where the key lies. To avoid being emotionally stressed depends on how you react to how others treat you or what they say about you-this is the only thing you have control of and it’s the key to a stress free living. The law of the garbage truck is needed in avoiding emotional stress. The law says people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they’ll dump it on you. Don’t take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well and move on. Don’t take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. So love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don’t. life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it. Think about it this way, your boss having family pressures and just finished from a quarrel with his wife at home and is emotionally drained and stressed out, comes to the office and starts shouting at you and snaps at you over very trivial things; think about it, if he wasn’t stressed out, wasn’t facing any family pressures, is in a light mood, would he react that way? Obviously, no. So why do you now carry on that negative emotion and maybe pour it out on others? As a principle, always take it that whoever reacts to you in a way that is capable of stressing you emotionally has some basic issues that you are not the cause. You are not responsible for the issues in the lives of others, so don’t react to them whenever they spite you or do anything capable of getting you emotionally stressed. Most of the times the ways they treat you are as a result of the issues in their lives. So don’t take them personally. Furthermore, you are not responsible if someone else doesn’t understand you. Live simply, is one of the principles of happier living. Never take people personally. Remember life is too short to wake up the next morning with regrets. Remember also that when you are emotionally stressed, it’s only a matter of time before other areas of your life begins to suffer as a result. An emotionally stressed person is never fun to be around, is never happy and most often than not, suffers ill health. One of the most effective ways of handling people who tends to stress you emotionally is to learn the value of silence. Silence is a way of responding to actions from people! You don’t have to defend yourself. You don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Always be calm and composed when others say/do things to spite you or bring out the worse in you. Life will take on a whole new meaning and you will become less and less emotionally stressed if you observe to apply this simple principle. I also found that we can get emotionally stressed from seeing ones’ self in a poor or negative light, trying to straighten other people out, trying to be better than or outsmart others or comparing ones’ self with others. Relationship with yourself could be a pertinent source of emotional stress and it arises from how you see yourself; that is your self esteem. Build yourself esteem by seeing yourself the way you are: you are great, beautiful, the best. You are unique and there is nobody else like you. Focus on and magnify your strengths; not your weaknesses, afterall, everyone does have weaknesses. Also, life should be taken simply, you are never responsible for whatever goes on in the life of others, be it positive or negative, you are only responsible for your own emotions; always remember that it is impossible for you to change anyone; only God can. Like the saying that you can take a horse to the stream but can never force it to drink from the stream. So quit trying to straighten others out or feel responsible for their own issues or emotions. Help them the best you can and leave them up to God. Also, life is not a competition; quit trying to be better than or outsmart others or comparing yourself with others because there will always be people better or worse than you and you don’t measure the progress in your farm by comparing it with that made in your neighbour’s farm; so run your own race, because comparism is never a proof of anything, become best at what you are good at not minding what is going on in the lives of others. Only be in competition with yourself and try to outsmart yourself. Taking this approach to life will take away all the emotional stress that could ever rise from relationships